Nic's Surgery...

 Yesterday Nic had another hernia surgery.  This is his 4th hernia surgery that he has had in the near 3 decades he's been alive.  The doctor said that he has had every kind of hernia that he can have and is hopeful this will be the last one.  Out of the 4 that he has had this one has been the worst.  His recovery time was doubled in the hospital.  They said he would be in recovery for about 45 minutes well after that time passed they called me back to ask me questions.  They asked if he stops breathing at home. Umm.... NO! His monitor kept beeping and the lady would raise her voice and say, "You need to breathe" This happened several times.  Scared me to death.  Nic had a hard time coming out of the anesthesia.  But after 2 1/2 hours he was finally able to breathe, wake up and get up and go to the bathroom so we could be on our way.  I have never seen this man cry do to pain, so when he started to cry today I knew he was in a tremendous amount of pain.  Here's to hoping all the medicine helps him.  And also that he can recover quickly.  Trying to pick up 230 lbs. of dead weight is tough!

Bringing in the New Year with a Bang...

 The new year was brought in like all of the other years.  A party at my parents house.  I love getting together with family and playing games.  Family is what it is all about and I love spending time with all of mine.  New Years is one of my favorite times though.  Something about staying up past your bedtime get's my mom and her sisters going.  You are surrounded by laughter which is always a good thing.  We had good food, fun games, noise makers, and fireworks.  Which brought 2015 in with a bang!

  On January 10 I flew out with my parents, Maddie and cousin Nathan to Portland Oregon.  Ashley was getting married that afternoon and my parents kindly let me tag along with them.  It was a very quick trip from Saturday morning to Sunday afternoon.

 This was Nate's first flight.  I had fun explaining to him on what to expect.  He did very well and I only noticed him grab the arm rests a couple of times.

 Two beautiful sisters..

 I love these babies...

 

 I love this photo... that my aunt Joni took.

 cousins..

 After the ceremony we ventured to Multnomah Falls.  It was quite different seeing so much green in January.  Though the fog and skies were gray it was still beautiful.

  Aside from the falls we were quite the attraction in our dresses and suits.  You'll notice everyone else is in coats, workout clothes and beanies.

Beautiful thick green moss..

 

 

 That night we had a lovely dinner party with the newly weds.  They refused to have their car decorated so this was the extent of their car.

 We stopped back at the temple that night to see it beautifully lit.  I love the uniqueness of every temple.  I love to see the temple!!!

You may have noticed my little friend in previous pictures, but if not here you go.  I got a stress fracture on my Talus bone in my ankle from soccer.  It's small enough that I don't need surgery, I just need to where this beauty for a few weeks.   On our way home our flight was overbooked and we graciously gave up our seats in return for $300 vouchers a piece.  We were booked for a flight later that day so we had time to kill at the airport.  Since I moved a bit slower Maddie assisted me through the airport in a wheelchair. 

I was told by one of my friends that we needed to visit Burgerville to get their chocolate hazelnut smoothie that was in season.  It was quite good and I'm glad they had one in the airport.

Several things have happened already this year that apply to bringing in the new year with a bang.  Some good, some not so good, and some awful. My dad turned 60... take that how you want but for us that was good! We lost a sweet couple in our stake to a tragic car accident.  They leave behind 4 young kids 5-2 months.  I took this pretty hard, but I'm so glad my last act for them was providing service to them at Christmas time.  My mom was very inspired! There have been several other deaths that have happened to many that I know.  Yesterday we found out of another tragic death in my Aunt's family which is heartbreaking.
This year has started off to be pretty rough for so many including us.  We continue on our journey with infertility, my broken foot, today Payton is sick throwing up, and Nic will be going in for surgery in the next week or two to have another hernia fixed.
For us these hardships are brutal on us financially which is hard and stressful. But, I will take these over what others are being faced with.  We'll be ok and we'll get back on our feet just in time for something else to hit us.  But that's ok, because I know we are only given what we can handle. 
Here's to the rest of 2015!!!

New Year...

I haven't written much, or anything for that matter of the struggles that have been going on in our lives for 2 1/2 years.  For the last few years Nic and I have been struggling with infertility.  We have no answers as to why we are struggling.  We have two beautiful children who came to us very easily, but for some reason this third child is taking much longer.  The time spent waiting is heart wrenching to say the least.  Friends and family who I have been pregnant with for both of my kids have had their third and they are now walking and talking.   I'm so happy for their success but it doesn't mean that the pit in my stomach isn't there.
Through this trial that we are being faced with I have learned some things, my eyes have been opened and I want others to take note.  No one should ever ask the question, "So when are you going to have another baby?" Or anything close to that.   I am guilty of doing it, so for those that I asked that question to I am sorry.  I say this because it's no ones business, it's a private matter between spouses and the Lord.  And  it's very painful to bring up the reason as to why.  Don't compare.  Don't top someones story about infertility.  Infertility is hard, painful, and expensive.  God gave us struggles, struggles that He knows we can endure.  So though you may have been struggling for longer, shorter, or have had miscarriages.  It doesn't matter.  My trial is my trial and it was given especially for me. For me that I might take something greater out of it.
I have beat myself up about this pretty much daily.  I have questioned my ability as a mother. I have questioned the Spirit that I felt when I received the inspiration 3 years ago in the Temple to add to our family.  I have questioned my life and the direction it's going in. I have said "I give up" countless times. I have said that "I won't stress about it" monthly.  I have wailed, screamed, and jumped up and down like a little 2 year old who get's told "No".  I have failed too many pregnancy tests, and have taken too many ovulation tests.  After all of this doubt that feels my mind you think I would get the hint.  And I have, several times.  I KNOW there is an angel in Heaven waiting to come join us.  Maybe not now, but sometime, sometime hopefully soon.
I have learned patience in a new way, not the way that I have been praying for since I became a mother, but patience with the Lord's timing.  Patience in knowing that the Lord knows what is best, patience that maybe He is holding our child back so that he can be taught more.  This world is a scary place to raise a child so the more he learns up there maybe the stronger he will be when he joins our family. I have grown closer to the Lord, I have the habit of reading my scriptures and praying daily.  I have read the Book Of Mormon twice, D&C once, and have a few pages left of the New Testament.  I study and listen to talks, I watch Mormon ads, my testimony is stronger, and I have faith in the Lords timing. We are closer as a family and Nic and I are closer than we have ever been.
For now this is our struggle, and we're dealing with it.  Some days are harder than others, but we still see every day blessings and tender mercies happening around us. We are blessed and we know that.  We have a firm testimony of our eternal family and of the Lords timing.  So for now we are patiently waiting.